Soy Sauce More Effective

By Singapore (LaughFish.com) - Scientists have discovered that dark soy sauce contains significant levels of antioxidants, making it more effective than red wine and vitamin C in preventing human cell damage.  Unfortunately, at high levels, you have the urge to take a lot of pictures.

By Tom Mott

Indianapolis, IN (LaughFish.com) - A reward has been issued for anyone who knows the whereabouts of Danica Patrick's purse.  "I'm so stupid!  I left it on top of my car last Sunday.  I realized it when I got home.  Oh my God, all my stuff was in there."

May Job Creation Slows

By Carlton Laffish, Jr.

Washington, D.C. (LaughFish.com) - The Labor Department announced that new jobs created in May were only 75,000, the fewest in seven months, signaling that the U.S. economy may be slowing.  Said The Rolling Stones' Keith Richards, "It wasn't me.  The tour is back on."

By Tom Mott

New Orleans, LA (LaughFish.com) - Coach David Duke's lacrosse team took it on the chin in the first round of the Professional Lacrosse League playoffs.  Duke spoke to reporters after the 15-0 shellacking, "In hindsight I guess our uniforms did serve as a handicap."

By Billy Laffish

Washington, D.C. (LaughFish.com) - Sgt. Santos Cardona was sentenced to 90 days hard labor for not picking up after his shepard at Abu Ghraib prison.  Said one official, "There were clear signs all over.  All you need is a plastic baggy.  How hard can that be?"

Bush Stunned By Haditha Massacre

By Vlad Lattner

Washington, D.C. (LaughFish.com) -  Despite the furor over the recent Haditha massacre, President Bush is standing tough, albeit shaken.  Said Bush, "My Aunt Haditha (pictured) was my best friend throughout my childhood. She fixed us pancakes and made our beds.  I just can't believe that she'd massacre anybody."  Bush's remarks were seconded by his brother Jeb.

Prince Albert Admits to Second Child

By Enrique Geraldo

Monaco (LaughFish.com) - Prince Albert II of Monaco announced that he has a second child out of wedlock along with the 3-year old son he admitted to earlier this year.  The second child is a 14 year old girl living in Palm Springs, California.  Apparently, the Prince is unable to keep it in the can.

By Jennifer Foyt

New York (LaughFish.com) - The Dixie Chicks, who are celebrating the fact that they have the #1 album in the country, appeared on Larry King Live to discuss music, fame and the war in Iraq.  Never one to avoid the hard hitting questions, Larry began the interview by cutting directly to the chase when he asked, "How 'bout that Minnie Pearl.  She was something huh?"

Katie Says Goodbye to TODAY

By Jennifer Foyt New York (LaughFish.com) - Tears were flowing and emotions were high as Katie Couric said goodbye to the TODAY Show couch that she occupied for the past 15 years.  In a related story, after the show was over, Al Roker was suspended after he was found sniffing that same couch.

Bush Nominates Paulsen

By Vlad Lattner

Washington, D.C. (LaughFish.com) -  As part of his continuing shakeup of the White House administration, President Bush today nominated Pat Paulsen to replace John Snow as U.S. Treasury Secretary.  Said Bush, "He's smart, he's funny, and he's run for president so he knows the ropes."  When told that Mr. Paulsen died in 1997 at the age of 69, Bush chuckled, "That guy will do anything for a laugh."

By Billy Hawschmidt

Compton, CA (LaughFish.com) - Jon Voight, the Oscar winning actor and father of Angelina Jolie, has joined the ranks of celebrities who have adopted children.  Said Mr. Voight, "Having Twanna and LaKeisha in my life has made me feel 40 years younger.  I'm particularly fond of Twanna's milkshake.  In your face Angelina."

By Vlad Lattner

 Washington (LaughFish.com) - President Bush, along with First Lady Laura Bush, will be viewing the film United 93 in the White House screening room with several relatives of those who perished on the flight.  Laura has reportedly already seen the film.  When she was asked by reporters for her impressions Mr. Bush interrupted and said, "Hold on a minute.  I haven't seen it yet.  Spoiler alert!"

By Billy Hawschmidt

New York (LaughFish.com) - LaughFish has learned that Angelina Jolie's brother, James Haven, was with Brad Pitt when their daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt was born via C-section.  Said Mr. Haven, "We're not sure if Brad's the father or it's me, so we thought we'd play it safe and both be there."

2 CBS Journalists Killed

By Vlad Lattner

Baghdad (LaughFish.com) - 2 CBS cameramen were killed in Iraq this Memorial Day and a third CBS reporter was seriously injured when the army unit in which they were embedded came under attack.  LaughFish was unable to obtain a statement from President Bush.

By Jennifer Foyt

Burbank, CA (LaughFish.com) - Paul Gleason, the actor who played the angry principal in the movie The Breakfast Club, has died.  Mr. Gleason was proceeded in death by Emilio Estevez's film career.

By Tom Mott

San Francisco (LaughFish.com) - At 2:14pm in the fourth inning, Barry Bonds hit his 715th home run against Colorado Rockies pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim to move ahead of Babe Ruth's 714 homerun record.  Bonds' ball traveled 8.2 miles.  After rounding the plates, he was talking so fast, no one could understand him.

Shiloh?

By Jennifer Foyt

Namibia, Africa (LaughFish.com) - Angelina Jolie gave birth by C-section to a baby girl she and father Brad Pitt have named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.  "Shiloh" means "pussywhipped" in Hebrew.

By Suzay Gomez

New York (LaughFish.com) - Barbara Walters has announced that Clay Aiken will be joining the cast of The View when the show begins its new season.  Said Barbara, "With Rosie on board we realized that we might be neglecting our main demographic.  We thought we'd "girl" it up a bit."

By Enrique Geraldo

Namibia, Africa (LaughFish.com) - Angelina Jolie is scheduled to give birth by C-section at any time.  Brad is currently watching Maddox and the other one while being cooped in a grass hut about 30 yards from a trail just beyond a watering hole.  In a related story, Jennifer and Vince made love seven times over the Memorial Day weekend.