BY DAN HUDAK|

There’s a lot of suffering in “The Bucket List,” both from the movie’s cancer-stricken patients and the audience that endures the painfully unfunny, melodramatic story. This could and should have been a sweet tale about two old coots on a grand adventure. Instead it’s a sorry excuse for a tearjerker.

      Shortly after we’re introduced to Edward Cole (Jack Nicholson) and Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) we learn they are terminally ill with cancer. Edward is an eccentric millionaire who’s made his fortune by building hospitals, and because of his insistence upon “two beds to a room, no exceptions” he finds himself rooming with Carter, an auto mechanic.

      It’s a meet-cute that allows Nicholson and Freeman to play their well-established screen personas with little variation or originality. They are, however, opposites who attract, and so when Edward discovers Carter’s “bucket list” — things to do before you “kick the bucket” — they decide to take Edward’s private plane around the world and experience all that life has to offer.

      Aside from the fact that both men unrealistically look like proverbial spring chickens while their cancer is in temporary remission, there’s no real joy in watching the global journey. Race car driving, sky diving, the Taj Mahal, the Himalayas and more are visited, but a morose sense of doom clouds the trip; when Edward and Carter stop exchanging one-liners and wax philosophical about life and regrets while looking out to the Pyramids it brings the movie to a grinding halt. These worldwide excursions are fine for an up-tempo montage, but don’t have the weight to carry a substantial middle portion of the film.

      Edward and Carter may have enjoyed themselves — and made the film more enjoyable — if they didn’t have emotional guilt hanging over their heads. Carter leaves his loving wife (Beverly Todd) behind for the sake of the adventure; Edward has a long-lost daughter with whom the story dictates he needs to reconcile before dying. Add to this a good forty minutes of chemo-induced suffering and Sean Hayes (“Will and Grace”) desperately trying to offer comic relief as Edward’s assistant and you have a movie that misses on all levels.

      The world tour destinations were also obviously filmed on a sound stage, making it feel even less believable. This could be forgiven if the tone was lighter and funnier, but writer Justin Zackham’s script struggles to find humor in two men having one last hurrah before their inevitable deaths. It’s kind of sad, actually. Melancholic. It’s certainly not the feel-good family fare you’re expecting, and it’s definitely not the career boost director Rob Reiner has sorely needed for the last 13 years (his last hit was the Michael Douglas/Annette Bening vehicle “The American President” in 1995).

      On the bright side, it’s probably a good thing “The Bucket List” isn’t very funny and has limited box office prospects. With Hollywood being the copycat community it is, who knows how many “Geezers Gone Wild” movies this could inspire. 

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