Turning 50
by Mary Desaulniers
I
remember turning 50 with the usual fear and denial that accompany those
of us who could not understand how quickly the years have sped by. Am I
really turning 50 now? What happened?
And with
that came a sense of urgency—there was not much time left and still so
much to do. What of the Great Novel that has yet to be written? What of
all the marvelous places that have yet to be seen? So much to do; not
enough time. And like many others, I did nothing—paralyzed.
Then the
answer hit me one day like a slap in the face. Before my husband passed
away, he made a batch of pickles that we had somehow left in the cellar
store room—half forgotten. The Christmas my daughter in law became
pregnant, she found the pickles and brought them upstairs for the
guests. “These are delicious,” she told us. “Why have they been left
unused?”
She said
the word “unused” as though a tank of oil had seeped to waste. The word
festered in me for weeks. What else have I left unused?
Perhaps
it is this repositioning of our assets that makes the fifties such a
powerful time in our lives. Think of all the unused powers that we have
left forgotten, unused during the years we pursued a career, raised
kids, looked after husbands and parents and scrubbed our houses clean.
This power lay dormant in us, a sleeping giant, until we are somehow
made ready-- incubated-- by time.
Now at
55, I can honestly say that I love every moment that my power is made
manifest. This is the best time in my life: the body has negotiated its
way through the tunnel, not necessarily into light, but into the
understanding that the journey, with its necessary turmoil, never ends
and that while there are never guarantees in life, this is the reason
why the trip is so magical.
What we
lose at 50 is far compensated by what we gain at the same time. The
mind at 50 is different from what it was at 20, 30, even 40—less
incisive, manipulative, sharp, more intuitive, porous, connected. The
mind at 50 lives in a time-warp, when all moments are simultaneous and
infinite. This is a zero-point field where everything or nothing is
possible, where all and nothing are essentially meaningless. And where
taking a risk can mean everything that lies between aging gracefully
and dying before death. At 50, you either make the Great Surrender (if
you have not already done so) or you “survive” at your spiritual and
emotional peril. There is a “break” at 50 whose manifestation in the
physical transformation of the body is but a prelude to its more
essential manifestation in the soul.
How many
of us have given up “work” that challenges our creative selves in order
to be financially secure, safe within the walls of respectability and
social expectations? How many of us have rotted within corporate
positions that promised great compensations but killed our questing
spirit?
The more
I think about this question, the more I realize that this zero-point
field of infinite possibilities is what we lived once upon a time (as
children). But we lost it by “growing up” and we can once again
graduate --yes graduate—to it when we become ready once more in the
latter half of our lives.
It takes
a porous mind to see the field not only as a metaphor or scientific
curiosity or even a conjecture, but as an actual, living direction. Our
purpose here in this world is to learn how to relive the paradox of the
field, how to gain power by relinquishing power, how to surrender the
need to control or be controlled ( a need of ego) by embracing the
power that comes from a deeper, more collective and universal
source—that which creates something out of nothing, that which sings
like a sprouting seed “I am that I am,” that which (for many of us
caught up with kids, work, husbands, home the first half of our
lives)we can reclaim as our own once again after 50.
A
runner for 27 years, retired schoolteacher and writer, Mary is now
doing what she has always done--being engaged in what she
loves--running, weight training,writing,helping people reclaim their
bodies by seeing that weight is just matter that needs to be processed.
Nutrition, exercise, positive vision and purposeful engagement are the
tools used to turn this matter into creative selves.
You can
subscribe to Mary's newsletter by contacting news@GreatBodyat50.com
a body
well-nourished is a mind well-served~ http://www.GreatBodyat50.com
Mary Desaulniers may be contacted at http://www.GreatBodyat50.com or md@marydesaulniers.com
